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You hear quotes all the time that go something like this:

"Live, love dream. Do something that scares you. Laugh as hard as you can. Run until your lungs give out. Live your life to the fullest." Or something along the lines of that. Basically, just do whatever it is that you love, even if you're scared to do it. For me these days, it means something different.

I'm usually a busybody. I like being busy. I like being out of the house, and being given responsibilities to take care of this and that. I like being in loud places with loud people and loud music. I like big groups with obnoxious jokes that make me laugh till I want to die. I like going out of my way to message people, stop them in the halls or call them up just to say, "Hi."

But right now, I'm in this state of mind where I'm content with just sitting at home, playing Tetris and eating Maltesers. Usually, I'd find a weekend sitting in my sweats disgusting, but right now, that's looking pretty attractive to me. I'd choose laying in a pile, Wild Things-style, reading books and listening to each other breathe over a "OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MISSED IT" party anyday. I'd much rather sit in comfortable silence and not talk about anything in particular. It's okay for there to be no talking when you're on the phone if there isn't anything to talk about. I'm starting to get all, "Oh god, please don't make smalltalk with me." It just feels like it takes way too much effort to fake a conversation. I'd rather not.

I often wish that there was some sort of instruction manual on How to be Normal. Like, "You must be on speaking terms with at least 20 people to be considered sociable," or "Awkward silences are only allowed to on for 30 seconds max," because I always wonder if how I'm feeling is normal, if it's normal to feel like you can't relate to people as easily as before (apart from Esther... since she's basically the only person I hang out with these days). I think I'm getting old mentally or something. Maybe one day, I'll still have my excellent physique, flawless skin and superb bone structure (I'm kidding) on the outside, but on the inside, I'll be old, wrinkly, and boring with sudden urges to chase children off my lawn with a broomstick. (Yet again, kidding... sorta.) Or maybe this is just me discovering what I actually love. Maybe this is me being me around people I'm comfortable with.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not about to start a book club (like Abby is seriously considering) and quilting group. I still love to talk. I'm not apathetic or depressed or antisocial. I'm not gonna snap at you for talking to me. To quote Lindsay, "Just because I'm a loner doesn't mean I'm not happy to see you." There's just something about the essence of simply being that I enjoy, as opposed to always feeling obligated to be doing something. Let's no longer be obligated, let's just be.

And one last note: I'm glad I'm not the only one in this boat.