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I usually look back at my early highschool years and laugh. My LGness was just too much to handle, and it's embarrassing how cool I thought I was. Rarely do I ever look back and miss it. There was just too much bitterness and resentment back then. And it wasn't exactly me at my prime.
Today made me realize how far I've come from that. I have different aspirations now; different people in my life who I rely on and different flaws. And then I realized that even though I've drifted away from that, there are still people that drift back to me.
And that's what makes me miss those years.
Like when N brings up all the times we goofed off, and P brings up those summer days. Like when T brings up Gr. 8 (Oh Gr. 8...), and R and I talk about how we used to be so uptight. (He's come pretty far from those years too.) It's rare to find friends who you've spent so much time away from and become "just aquaintances," but are still willing to make new memories with you.
This is the first time in my whole entire life that I've ever felt so far away from the people closest to me - the people that have been there since day one. I'm slowly learning to let go of that, but it's hard. It's hard to have so many new things when this should be a year of famliarity. It's hard when I can't even recognize my safe place anymore. I've never seen such an overuse of "It's been a while" and a dire need of "Let's catch up soon" and effort, effort and more effort. It never used to be this way, I thought it wouldn't ever, I still think it shouldn't be, but it is this way. And I just have to deal with it.
But at the same time, others are coming back to me, and even though some things are no longer aligned, other things are falling into place. And I believe there's a reason for all of this.