624

I keep coming full circle back to the realization I've been trying to evade - the thought that everything I've been working for will go to waste. I'll probably have to face the eventuality that I won't get the dream school or the boy or the blissful future, that my parents, sooner or later, will find my report card, laugh in my face and stop entertaining my ideals, and that maybe my best won't be good enough. This week has been shit, and my excitement for grad year has turned into mixed sentiments and salvaging. The light of my perfect summer grows dimmer every day. My weekend of self-indulgence has led me to a bank account of insufficient funds, more calories than I would like to count and a night of cramming.
But I have hope. I constantly cross my fingers that my self-sabotage will follow through, and I know I'll somehow pick myself up for one last term of redemption. I spend way too much time beating myself up when I know I really have little to complain about and much to look forward to, like travelling, rebuilding relationships, a Spring Break of gaming and ultimately, Graduation Day. Here's to hoping for all the wrong reasons.

Things I Like:
#36.

Two friends I hold very near and dear to my heart left for Africa this morning for a missions trip, and they started blogs to track their next 3 weeks. Although I already miss their presence in my life, I'm so unbelievably stoked to hear their insights.

Caleb: http://calebandafrica.blogspot.com/
Jessica*: http://jessicahailley.blogspot.com/

*Jessica already wrote in her blog 3 times before she even left... I find that so Jessica-esque.