Wednesday, April 11, 2012


Reasons for me to be happy TODAY (not tomorrow, or later, or when I move on, TODAY):
- Lu bought me a cookie. And cookies always make me happy.
- I have an interview tomorrow, and although I probably won't get the job, it's a step in the right direction.
- I just filled my iPod with some excellent music.
- There are so many good books to read!!!
- Some people in particular have been a little bit too nice to me... And even though I find it pretty funny, and I'm going to disregard any flirtatious comments, it's always flattering to know that I'm crush-worthy.
- The weather has been so warm lately.. Warm enough to sleep in my monkey boxers again!
- There is so much good food in this world.
- I will never have to face Calculus again after next week.
- I have people in my life who care about me, and it's more than just that. They don't just try to make me feel better, but they inspire me to be better. They offer love, and they feel for me. They show me that there are ways to grow. And I can be freaking weird around them, and they love me anyway.
- I am being prayed for.
- Everyday, I get more and more real with my own prayers.
- He has things in store for me way beyond my imagination, and the only way I'll get there is if I leave it all to Him. I guess that's pretty nice 'cause that means I don't really have to worry about it.
- There will be someone else for me, and he'll be worth the wait. The thought of starting over makes me sigh right now, but seriously, when the time comes, I'll be looking forward to all the firsts and new memories to make.
- I always say that my future looks bleak.. But I have so many things I want to do, places I want to go, and things I want to see, and it gets me so excited to think about all there is to come. I've been thinking about all the dreams I've had, and even though they're not in sight right now, it doesn't mean I should stop pursuing them.
- I've been praying a lot about where I'm at right now at UBC. I always feel like I don't really fit anywhere, but I know I will find my place in Sauder eventually. And even if I don't, it's my school, and it's my faculty. Just because I'm wandering doesn't mean I can't shine my light.
- My mom has been well these days. We went to Ikea and ate frozen yogurt together. And it doesn't mean complete relief or any sort of miraculous recovery, but you ALWAYS have to take those little things and make the best of it.

And even though my heart still hurts so much, it doesn't make my happiness less genuine. I did the idiotic thing of deciding to organize a few things in my blog today... From a few months ago. You're probably thinking that I'm the dumbest girl in the world for looking back on posts in the state I'm in right now, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be... Even though some stuff made me chuck a pillow across the room. Sometimes it makes me so angry still that I put so much of myself into us, that I was becoming better at loving, and that I had so much faith, yet, I couldn't make him budge. And I rarely ever get angry. Sometimes I'm in disbelief at how good we were and somehow we ended up like this. Sometimes, freaking Wongfu videos* make me want to punch myself in the face... But yenno what? I'm better off happy than filling myself with regret and doing things that make me dwell on my heartbreak more. It's good for me to start looking forward again. It's good for me to realize that he was right when he said that there's so much more to me than him.

Aha, frek. I've been writing about this so much these days.. But I guess once I'm ready to put something out there and write about it, it all just comes out at once like word barf.


1 comment:

Joanne said...

Praying for you and your mom :)