[rant] Why yes of course, I do love nights like these where I start homework at 10, because I'm such a rebel and stayed out all night... Actually no. More like I was forced to go to a family dinner right after jazzband. As much as I wanted to enjoy it, I couldn't stop thinking about how I didn't even get a chance to take out my homework from my backpack before we left. It stresses me out when everything is so jampacked. (And yes, I do know I'm wasting even more time by blogging, but I just really need to get this out of my system to focus. I'm just giving myself 10 minutes of rant time before I work past midnight. I need breathers okay?) Seriously, it's so ridiculous how much homework I have when it's basically the beginning of the term and right after Spring Break. You'd think that teachers would carefully ease back into school, but no. Life doesn't work out like that. And I seriously become the ugliest person when I get stressed out like this. I become this self-absorbed bitch who has way too much on her plate, and I take it out on everyone else, because I realize that I can't handle everything. My dad just asked me to help him take out the garbage, and I snapped at him. Classic spoiled teenage brat. I knew that he didn't know any better too. And not to mention the terrible allergies I'm getting right now from all the wonderful Spring flowers blooming and the godforsaken construction down the street that's leaving a permanent cloud of dust in my neighbourhood. It feels like I'm sick, but I'm not so it's not like I can stay at home and complain about it to my teddy bears all day long. I'm pretty sure my friends are getting sick of my constant references to my sinuses and my lack of oxygen. The worst thing about it is that I can't eat and breathe at the same time. I know, it's terrible and dangerous. I could potentially die from eating. And basically, I can't even set my priorities straight to make these the most of my worries. I'm too busy thinking about awkward situations and heartbreak to even get my head on straight. And yeah, I could cry, and then realize that it's not like in the movies where everything is still beautiful when the heroine cries (They never wheeze and gasp for air and their teardrops are like crystals. How is it that Hollywood has perfected the breakdown?!) and then cry about that fact some more, or I could just deal with it. Too bad I've come to realize that I'm more of a let's-avoid-it-till-it-goes-away kind of person. And to think, exactly one week ago, I was in Munich, anticipating coming home, because I actually kinda missed it. Boy, I was stupid one week ago. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. [/rant]
Alright, that's out of my system now. Just throw in a "at least you weren't in Haiti," and I'm good to go.
On the bright side, denim jackets seem to be coming back in style. I have been waiting for this moment for a very long time.
2 comments:
at least you weren't in Haiti.
Just kidding. Stuff is stuff, even if (comparatively) the Haiti disaster is a lot more extreme.
Bekah, it's so shitty when you get to that point. Allergies must make it that much worse.
Tomorrow, it's my floor's turn to organize 937. We themed it on silence. One of the things Ethan (VanderLeek) is going to talk about is finding silence in the noise. Not trying to shut everything up, but trying to find a quiet space within it. To be silent in God's presence. Maybe that's the most incomprehensible thing to you right now, in which case I'm sorry for bringing up something so obviously stupid. If not, maybe it's helpful? I dunno.
Anyway, I'm praying for you =)
love♥
"At least you weren't in Haiti"
things will cheer up =)
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