Tuesday, April 03, 2012


To be honest, I was saving my summer for him.
I imagined visiting belugas, riding a roller coaster or two, days at the beach and nights watching the fireworks. I was hoping to finish the list of things to do. I was going to suggest taking a day trip down to Seattle or to Vancouver Island. Wouldn't that be nice? Spending an entire day exploring a place that's so close but so new. Not just that, but spending a summer exploring the city that I live in, because I don't have the time to (or the weather's permission to) during the school year. With him.
As usual, I was given opportunities to travel, but I denied every one of them, even though it's always tempting to spend a few weeks in Asia shopping and eating my heart out. But I made a promise that I wouldn't leave.
I watched summer school fill up thinking, "I'll be busy with other things. I won't need that to fill my time," even though I knew that it would help with my 6-course semester next year.
And then I thought to myself, "Wait... What am I so busy with? What plans do I have?" And then came the cold, hard realization that I actually don't have anything lined up for the next 4 months.
I constantly refresh the registration page for the Music course that I should have signed up for a month ago. I always check my email waiting for the interview for the internship that I might not get. I have a stack of resumes that haven't been handed out, half because I'm afraid of rejection and getting caught off-guard, and half because I'm really good at making up bullshit excuses.
I should probably get off my butt and figure out how to do something productive with my summer.. But more importantly than that, I wish I realized sooner that I should have been saving my summer for Him instead.
I never asked Him once what His intentions for my summer were.. And they're probably far greater than anything I could come up with.

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