Friday, August 28, 2009

50

Alright, this post may start sounding really depressing, but it'll get better by the end so just stick with me. I feel like everytime I go over to grandma's place, I have to mentally prepare myself to be sad. I can see her getting weaker and weaker everyday. Every step she takes get shakier and shakier and less and less stable. I always hear some sort of melancholic, single violin/piano song playing in the back of my mind. And if I stay long enough, she'll start talking about grandpa subconsciencely. Even though she pretends she's fine, I know she misses him a lot. I mean, it's understandable. Honestly, it makes me feel like I never want to become that old. I don't ever want to be at the point in life where everyone has to slow down for me, because I'm so breakable. I remember particularily this one moment when my grandma was stepping out of the house. She faltered slightly which made her trip over the ledge. Thank goodness I was there holding her hand at the time. It was one of those moments where you literally stand there for a minute because your heart stopped, and it scared me to death. I realized that if nobody was there, she could've been put in the hospital for an unpredictable amount of time. Imagine how many times a day she steps out of that door to go out and garden or take a walk or to come over to drop something off. It's scary. I wish I would walk around holding her hand all the time, but I know it makes her feel useless. She even says so herself, and nobody can convince her otherwise. But there is one thing that I always look forward to seeing when I go next door. It's the way my grandma and my dog, Cookie, interact with each other. If you've ever seen it, and it didn't make you "Awe!" outloud, you have no heart. My grandma hobbles around after Cookie in such a manner that always makes me smile, and when Cookie jumps on her lap, she giggles like a little girl. I see youth. I see life. I see love. And I don't see her eyes because the wrinkles on her face are pushed all the way up from her smile. Good girl.

"A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?" - Marley & Me

3 comments:

Tiffany Ho said...

*sniff* =( It makes me sad too. That's good we got Cookie :)

PETER said...

thanks for that blog. i'm glad that sometimes we gain new perspectives from the things we take for granted the most-growing old, loved ones, and our pets. =)

synsia said...

*tears* i miss my grandma